The bit-tech Cheesecake Supertest 2

Waitrose Autumn Berry Cheesecake

Alex: Right, one more from Waitrose and our last cheesecake. Autumn Berry cheesecake. Has this not gone off yet? Seems a bit late for autumn berries.

Joe: Yeuch! I’m starting to get a bit of…it’s coming back…just yuck.

Alex: This is the only cheesecake that we’ve got which is completely covered in a topping.

Clive: “A creamy baked vanilla-flavoured cheesecake which is—”

<Richard burps very loudly>

Rich: I’m so sorry! I tried to keep that quiet!

Clive: It didn’t work. Anyway “—on crunchy digestive biscuit with a luxurious berry compote.” So, it’s not jam, it’s compote. I’m not sure what the difference is.

Joe: I think compote has solid bits, like whole bits of fruit in it. And you’re not hanging around for the stats on this one, are you Alex?


Clive: Bloody hell! At least wait for the stats before digging in!

Alex: This way I can give first opinion as soon as you’ve read ‘em. It’s teamwork, Clive! We divide tasks fairly and squarely. I eat cheesecake, you read boxes.

Clive: Then eat and shut up!

Joe (reaching): I don’t like how you’re all steadily moving the cheesecake away from me. Do not approve!

Alex: We’ve all obviously clocked that Waitrose make the best cheesecake.

Joe: Harry has taken half of it just for himself. You shouldn’t have to tip your head back in order to fit it in to your face, Baz!

<Harry has a giggling fit, with the forkful of cheesecake still held high, inches from his upturned mouth>

Rich: Ha, we’ve broken him!

Joe: This is so tense. You’ve got a little bit of berry hanging over the edge of your fork and as you’re giggling you are making it wobble right above your face. I’m waiting to see how long until it falls…


Harry: Hahahaha….oh, oh, I hurt now.

Clive: You’ll hurt more after this. 314 calories per sixth. 2.3g of fat. 19.3g of sugar.

Joe: Nyah, nyah. Smeh. Uck…Don’t like that. Too thick. Too tart.

Alex: That’s not tart, not compared to the lemon ones.

Joe: It’s also impossible to eat it in anything approaching a civilised manner, since everyone is trying to get at it and it keeps coming away in huge clumps. I’m having more of the light and fluffy lemon.

Harry: I’m with Joe on this one. I preferred Fluffy McFlufferson.

Clive: I don’t like the compote.

Joe: It’s separating from the main body, look. You can lift it off with your fork in an entire gellified layer. And it’s got horrid hard, chewy bits in it.

Rich: That’s called fruit, Joe.

Joe: Yuck.